When one masters this wretched Desire, So hard to overcome.
His sorrows will just fall, like a water drop on lotus petals.
These were the ending quote which appeared on my laptop screen while watching the movie “Siddharth- The Prisoner” at five ‘o clock in the morning. At a point of time , when nothing seems to go your way and everything you want to do ends up landing in deep shit . Some quotes like that can move your mind and soul. A fortnight back everything seemed perfect to me, I was just ready to set the stage on fire. Back to back challenges, and commitment and passion to win over them running in my veins. I felt the fire within me and was all ready to win everything coming my way.
But as time went by I saw each and every brick of my dream house falling down and my ambitions tearing apart in pieces. I was never afraid to lose and can handle defeat easily, but the agony is I was never made to participate. Some time the challenge itself stood cancelled and sometime I was disqualified from the competition. It just looks like your house is on fire but you can’t do anything but just see being a mere spectator.
Every time I failed, I just said “ALL IS WELL” considering that there are still more opportunities waiting and I will suppress the pain of my defeat from the joy of the Victory which seemed certain. And every defeat made my belief to win the other challenge stronger. But as I said I participated in none. And after the last nail in my coffin was put I said boss all is not well. There is something going wrong and started questioning my fate.
And then I finally realised that I never accepted the defeat, and I just wanted my fate to give me that share of joy into the other. This is not sportsman spirit, not something which I reckon as a true player. Whatever little I have achieved in my life and whatever I’m proud of is actually not all hard work. A major share of it goes to the fate that actually got me everything I wanted and now I was questioning that same fate. I had lost belief in it.
I think whatever happened; there was some reason to it. I needed to understand how defeat looks like and how everything you want does not come true but you have to face it. Even your parents never gave you everything you wanted so that you also learn to resist your temptations, and be happy and satisfied in what all you have. But now I don’t want to regain what I have lost because I think it was just not for me. One of my friend said that whenever you don’t get something just think you have bigger things waiting for you in your life and those were not worth it. I can’t say that those things were not worth it but was not made for me. I’m happy because from here I have nothing to lose I will only gain from here. And every step I take will only help in my improvement. I’m happy carrying no burdens of expectations from life and feeling light. Its six o clock in the morning and I can feel that it’s time for that early morning tea and Pranay is waitng for me, will leave you with some original line of mine-
“Jeet aur haar to jeevan ki nishani hai,
sabke hisse main sabkuch hai nahi kisi ki manmaani hai.
Jeet ko to apni dulhan banna kar har koi saath le jaata hai,
Par haar ko bhi jo bichde yaar sa gale lagaa le,wahi to dildar ki nishani hai.”